Chocolate fountain at Billings’ Golden Corral

I recently scaled back my cable TV package, which included DVR (same concept as TiVo- a DVR gives you the capability to record shows and fast-forward through commercials).  I now have to sit through commercials again.  You might think this would be agony after being able to watch television interruption free.  It was an adjustment, but had I not given up DVR, I may have never learned about The Chocolate Fountain.

I’m sitting in front of Seinfeld re-runs one night, and look up from my bowl of oatmeal (don’t ask) just in time to see The Chocolate Fountain.  I thought I was seeing things.  It was at this precise moment I really missed my DVR because I wanted to rewind the commercial and make sure that what I was seeing was not some hallucination brought on by my incredibly boring and geriatric dinner.  But my eyes did not deceive me.  There it was, a fountain of chocolate, pouring forth in all its velvety glory.

My fit of rapture induced by a seemingly endless supply of chocolate was interrupted when I learned Golden Corral was home to this glorious feature.  Golden Corral?  It’s not that I have anything against Golden Corral personally.  I just, for whatever reason, have a great deal of disdain for buffet eating.  (Unless I’m in Las Vegas, and then it seems somehow okay.)  Lots of people love it.  I, for one, feel like a cow being herded to a stack of hay (or a Golden Corral if you will), when I’m eating buffet style.  I did it for a few years, but I think the final straw was when I was buffet dining one evening and the folks behind the meat counter RANG A BELL to indicate fresh meat was available.  More offensive yet, people flocked to it like it was the Mother Ship.  I was horrified.

Great.  In order to gorge myself on The Chocolate Fountain I had to eat buffet style again.  So I did.  And it was much more dignified than I remember.  Or maybe I’m older and just don’t care as much.  At least it wasn’t a bowl of oatmeal!  I have to admit, the food was REALLY good.  (You have to order a whole dinner buffet to partake of The Chocolate Fountain.)  It was really one of the best steaks I’ve had in awhile.  I’m not exaggerating.  If you’ve been a buffet snob like me, give it another shot.

And The Chocolate Fountain you ask?  It was a gorgeous, cascading stream of sweet bliss.  Prior to my visit, I had fantasized about just sticking my whole head under it.  I wondered if people would look at me funny if I had assembled a plate of vegetables and then doused them in chocolate.  I mean, where else can you get away with that?  The folks at Golden Corral deal with gluttony every day and must have anticipated such antics because there is a selection of suitable items for dipping (macaroons, strawberries and pineapple) and there is a plate of glass between the piggy, um customer, and The Chocolate Fountain so only ones hands can reach.  Damn those buffet engineers!

So the moral of the story is, this Christmas you can take your holiday hog-outs to a whole new level by enjoying Billings’ chocolate fountain.  Train first.  This kind of eating is not for amateurs.  Go to a couple holiday parties and pig out like it’s your last Christmas.  Once you feel adequately prepared, strap on your feeding bag at Golden Corral, but remember to save room for The Chocolate Fountain.

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